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{June 16, 2010}   Oprah’s Redemption

OK, so…I’m going to be honest. I really don’t like Oprah. There are a lot of reasons for that, but generally speaking, I don’t enjoy her.

However, when I heard that she conducted an interview with convicted child molesters, I just HAD to see it.

I don’t know why I wanted to see it, but I know that part of me wanted to be able to get angry. I really did. I wanted to watch it, and hate these men. I wanted to take the anger that I have toward my abusers, and spew it at my laptop screen, at 11pm on a Monday, in my living room.

However, that is not what happened.

Watching this interview, the only frustration I felt was toward myself. In some sick way, I was frustrated with my own reaction to the candor of these men. I was frustrated with myself for not feeling more enraged, for not feeling more triggered, and for not feeling more horrified by what I was hearing.

The truth is, I felt none of those things. I felt no rage, no fear, no hatred.

I only felt sympathy.

Not empathy, but sympathy. I can’t relate to what they did. I can’t understand it. But in these interviews, I saw their humanity, and for a moment, the monsters from my childhood that haunt me in my mind have ceased to be monsters, and have become instead flawed, sad and ill human beings.

I’m not ready to forgive just yet, and I’ll never think that sexual abuse is forgiveable, but I now feel a greater sense of peace, knowing that the people who weilded power over me then, no longer have to. For they are only men. Flawed, sick men, entitled only to my pity.

See the interview here (warning…graphic and explicit details):

http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Oprahs-Conversation-with-Child-Molesters

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